What happened and plans.

          Yesterday, I talked about nonsense stuff about my life. Many things happened when I was gone. How should I start? Erm.

          Third grading period was a busy quarter. If you just knew how busy we are. We had practices for our family day field demonstration, Christmas Party and Periodical tests and the community outreach program.

          November 12, 13, 14

          We had our periodical test and I am so disappointed of myself. I am not satisfied with my scores. I am not really satisfied. I feel like I am failing them all! I just feel like stopping school. I am so tired. My body has no rest to do projects and stuff. Like, argh! I hate thinking about these things. It makes me stressed.

          Almost the whole grading period, we spent homeroom periods, dismissals and Saturdays practicing the field demonstration for the family day. My body was really tortured so I had no time to use the net except on mobile.

          Speaking about Family Day, I was happy and sad. Happy because my family was there but only half day. Sad because they didn't get to see me dancing. Seriously, I cried before we presented. I was thinking "Even if you are not here, I'm gonna dance my best for you." During the dance, I was teary-eyed. I don't know, my tears won't stop falling. What would you do if the one who means the most to you is the one who didn't show? I would cry. I was thinking I was gonna ruin the demonstration because I my face suck. It turned red and I can't explain it further. But I was wrong, the audience liked it. Well, I guess. They said ours was the best performance. I was flattered. Ok.

          We also had our Christmas Party, December 21, 2012. I don't believe about the end of the world  thingy, okay. Anyway, I told you about what happened about my heart. Lol kidding. If you ask me, the party was my most embarrassing day of my life. If you ask me why, it's because I was a representative to join the Miss 2 Saint Augustine Pageant. We had a production number, talent portion, final walks, interview, and question and answer. I wasn't even ready! I was shocked when I was the first runner-up. WHAT?! I promised to myself never to wear a dress again during Christmas parties. I guess, I can't do that. Lol.

          Yesterday, we had our community outreach program. It's like we conduct games and give food, etc to the adopted communities of the school. I don't know. I was really sad. And I think I narrated that one on my previous post. However, I felt fulfilled after the program thinking we helped children this Christmas season.

          After the program, Rona, Alyssa and I went to SM. We feel like hanging out. We ate Greenwich for lunch, brownies for snacks and Gelatissimo for dessert. I used the 1000 pesos my mom gave me. I was happy yesterday because I bought the Total Girl December Issue and the Red Album Limited Edition. I really do believe that in every happiness there is sadness because when I got home Alyssa let me checked someone's Tumblr. And there, I saw the things that broke the pieces of my heart into another small pieces. <///3

          Because of what happened, I plan to fix myself this Christmas vacation. To accomplish this, I am planning not to use my cellphone for communication. Meaning, I'll have no load the whole vacation. I also plan to read lots and lots of books. I plan to change myself, this includes my attitude, personality and looks.

          Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I hope you are all excited. Not because of the gifts you are going to open, but because Jesus Christ was born, the one who saved our lives. Merry Christmas to all of you! Give love. ♥

Heartbroken.

          It's been almost a month since I posted about idk. And now, I am talking about another damn.

          You know what, I am so broken. Really broken. I always try my best to smile and laugh when I am with the people I am close with, friends. We are 7 billion and I keep one guy bothering me so much.

          I do not even know why, when or how did I like him or stuff. I feel so broken. I feel like breaking down. I am such a liar. I lied that I liked someone else. I am such a pretender. I pretended that I didn't and won't like him. I am an actress. I act like it doesn't bother me. I act like I am not hurt. Well, in fact it is the opposite. I am stupid. I am telling him "Don't give up on her" when I know that was the most stupid thing I had said to him; when I know those words would squeeze my heart into damn pieces. Ohmy. I'm such a fool. I assume he likes me, even if he doesn't. I trust too much and get hurt too much.

Do you feel me? No.

          I always wonder how on Earth am I surviving my life. It's my first time to feel this way. I tried to look best during our Christmas party just to make him notice me even just for seconds. I was disappointed when I knew that he exerted an effort during the party to be noticed by someone else. You know what? I tried my best. Excelled in class, participated in school activities. Became so jolly and noisy. I tried to be pretty and girly. But why can't you notice me? WHY?!

          During COP, someone told me you liked someone. I am such a pretender. I pretended that I wasn't hurt. I even asked that someone who's the "someone" and she told me. I was shocked. Really. So, I know her. Well, I think she is not bad enough. Though, I wished that girl was me. Impossible. If I am given a chance to hurt you, I wouldn't. I don't want to see someone hurt because of me. I'd rather see myself hurt because of someone.

          Dude, why? Why are you doing this to me? I thought you like me, but sadly, I was just assuming. I thought you admired me, but I was just dreaming. Why? Am I not good enough? Am I not? What's with her that you can't find in me? Is she that perfect? Am I not? Is she that pretty? Am I not? Is she that kind? Am I not?  Is she that smart? Am I not? Please don't be 'manhid.' Or if you are, please try to feel. Please try to consider my feelings.

          I changed a lot dude. I did if you only knew. But I guess, this Christmas vacation, I should and I must move on. I know you like her that bad. And I can't do anything about it. All I can do is accept it and move on. I also get tired. People do. I can't wait. I know if I will, I will be hurt not so soon. I hope that one day, I can say "I moved on, I am happy for you." But right now, I can't because seeing you still break my heart into pieces.

Busy life.

                As what the title says, I am so busy. I became busier than ever. Asking why? It's because school is so AGH. Words fail to explain it. DAMN.

                Almost the whole day, my group mates and I continued making our Biology project. Guess what? We're far from finishing touches. But I guess we can do it though. Of course we can. Shut up! Kidding.

                Let me tell you the most annoying story among the annoying stories. Last Wednesday, we had our PE class for 3 hours. I was tasked to be the coach of the sport, Volleyball. I am not complaining or anything, It's just that our teacher has been so mean to me, or like I don't know. She scolds me even if it wasn't my fault and she doesn't even listen to my explanation. I am not numb! I have feelings too. I am hurt. I was hurt. But since she is my teacher, I will respect her. I need to respect her.

                Busy aside, I am so frustrated knowing that my parents won't be around during our Family Day, which will be on December 16. I would have the loner feeling on that day. Yes, I understand they will be going to Cambodia for our sake, but what I don't understand is that why won't they spare even just a day to go? It's called "Family Day" not a "Loner Day." This is so sad heartbreaking for me, I swear. Seeing my friends with their families, and me, there sitting in a corner thinking "Where are they when I needed them? Where are they when I need their presence?"

                I hope someone would understand. I might be so happy in school, but in reality, I am really not. It's just that I leave my home problems at home. Most of all, I don't want my friends to worry about me because I know they have millions of reasons to be happy about.

Random post.

               Okay, this is a random post. So I say random things. As I've told you, I am a random type of person.

               I forgot to mention, I watched Breaking Dawn Part II yesterday! It was awesome. WAHHHHHHHHHHH! Taylor's abs. Oh my gosh. Someone help me. I am hyperventilating. Joking. HAHAHA! But seriously, his abs is AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. ^O^ You should watch it. You won't regret seeing Taylor's abs. LOL. I told you that so far, my favorite movie is Hunger Games. Now, it's Breaking Dawn Part II. AHHHHHHHH. Abs abs abs. LOL.

               I am truly in karma. My mom and dad is in Leyte and I have no one to help with my news writing, my movie review and everything! SOMEONE HELP ME! Thank God, at least no home work is involved in drawing, or else. -___-" Yes, I suck at drawing.

               It's already past 4 in the afternoon and I haven't took my daily bath yet. *sniffs* I stink. I am too lazy to get myself away from my laptop. :( Someone help me.

               Please pray that I may not be lazy after I take a bath. Love you all. :*

Two weeks ago.

               I promised you that I will post a travelogue or something I don't know here. Unfortunately, I was really really REALLY REALLY busy the past two weeks or less and so I decided not to. You can check my Twitter account you know. I was really busy with school. School papers, projects, and stuff. I don't even have time to rest during weekends. Is this a life of being in a pilot section  a student?

               Many things happened. The first thing I remember is, I bought Taylor Swift's RED album. I was happy you know. I am a silent fan of Taylor Swift. Why? It's just because she narrates every girls' feelings, experiences, for short, every girls' life.

via Twitter: @iamalexesjanine: Just bought Red. <3

               Second is, we have a Biology project. And you know what sucks? We have to make a 3D MODEL of a plant cell. Like seriously, who the hell would be out in their state of mind asking us to make a 3D model of a plant cell (or animal cell) for the coming Grade 8 to use? LIKE, WHAT?! Are they even serious? They can even buy that. It's like were just WASTING our effort making that damn project, well in fact some of it will just be thrown away. If you think I am blabbing or something, well, I am not. I am just simply expressing my feelings and thoughts about our project. We're just sophomores, well in fact REAL molders do that!

PS: The organelles must be DETACHABLE! How's that? (-___-")


               Third, I had a MASSIVE skin allergy. I don't know what caused it, probably the chicken I ate the night before. I thought I was okay the morning after but itchy rashes appeared during scouting time. My skin was sore that I had to go the clinic. However, I had a check-up the day after so I am okay now.


               We had no classes yesterday, so what do you expect? LOADS of home works. Who likes home works anyway? First is, we have to make a movie review (something like that) about the movie we watched during Social Studies period. And you know that I am not into movies! Plus, we didn't START and FINISHED the movie! So how on earth can we write a review? Watch it on YouTube knowing it will spend you 4 hours?! And add the time of buffering and searching. Argh.


               Second is, we also need to write a reflection and answer some questions based on the movie we watched during our CLF class. Seriously? We didn't even finished!


               And worst is, we need to write a news article. What sucks about it? WE NEED TO FIND OUR OWN NEWS! The maximum word count is only one hundred words and should contain the 5W's and 1H. I don't even know how to write a news! I am not one of the Josenian OAR (organization) that I am good in writing. That's the reason why I made a blog because in blogs, no one has the the right to correct your grammar, spelling, etc. You just write and write until you want to stop. Unlike in school papers, projects, essays and stuff, teachers correct your grammar. You can can't write anything you want to say. You must stick to the theme. Ya feeling me?


               I think, that's it. I have no more to say. Well, school is in a hectic schedule cause the third grading is just so short to cover all the topics we need to cover. So we need to double time and that means BUSY. :(


               By the way, I changed my template. :)

               PS: Listen to State of Grace (Acoustic Version) by Taylor Swift. :) You won't regret.

Lazy and tired.

            This will be fast, I swear.

           I promised you that I'll post about the Palawan trip but unfortunately, I got lazy and tired. Tired in the fact that I was tired from the trip yesterday and I want to sleep. Lazy in the sense that I don't want to go to school tomorrow! :(

          I am just so frustrated when my Dad will be buying me the Red (Taylor Swift) Album and there was no stock in Astroplus! So pissed early in the morning, cause of something. Not telling it. Nothing much happened this day though.

         So, classes will resume tomorrow and I need to get ready. I need to wake up early and stuff. Awwww, I don't want sembreak to end! I will try to post some the next weekend cause I am sure I'll be busy this week. Classes you know.

             By the way, this is just a short idk. You may not read.

Privacy Problem.

               So, I got this problem. Haven't I told you I do don't have Facebook? If not, well, I don't and that's because I don't want my mom and I would fight over things in Facebook. So I had to delete it so that we would stop. I adjusted you know and I am like "I am here on Twitter because they are in Facebook and I want arguments no more."

               So the problem is that my Mom followed me on Instagram yesterday and she is planning to make a Twitter account. Can't I have privacy? I was the one who sacrificed to stay out of trouble and now, she wants trouble I guess. It's not that I don't want my Mom on Twitter and Instagram because I am doing something wrong. It's just that, I cannot have my privacy. Even in my cellphone, she wants to read those messages. We have the right, right? We have the right to have privacy! Ya feeling me?

               If you think I am being a rebel. Well, maybe a little bit. Who wouldn't when your parents almost say DON'T to almost everything you do? Ya feeling me? Do you feel me? Do you understand why am I like this?

               I can't imagine when can I have my freedom and privacy, maybe when I die? Or perhaps, when I will have my own family. Well, that would be like more or less than 10 years from now! So I guess, if I need to delete my Twitter and Instagram accounts, I would. In other words, I would be in this blog and on Wattpad. How sad my life would be. :(

               I need to stop now, I need to prepare my things and stuff for Palawan tomorrow! So that means, I'll be out for a while. Peace out!