What happened and plans.

          Yesterday, I talked about nonsense stuff about my life. Many things happened when I was gone. How should I start? Erm.

          Third grading period was a busy quarter. If you just knew how busy we are. We had practices for our family day field demonstration, Christmas Party and Periodical tests and the community outreach program.

          November 12, 13, 14

          We had our periodical test and I am so disappointed of myself. I am not satisfied with my scores. I am not really satisfied. I feel like I am failing them all! I just feel like stopping school. I am so tired. My body has no rest to do projects and stuff. Like, argh! I hate thinking about these things. It makes me stressed.

          Almost the whole grading period, we spent homeroom periods, dismissals and Saturdays practicing the field demonstration for the family day. My body was really tortured so I had no time to use the net except on mobile.

          Speaking about Family Day, I was happy and sad. Happy because my family was there but only half day. Sad because they didn't get to see me dancing. Seriously, I cried before we presented. I was thinking "Even if you are not here, I'm gonna dance my best for you." During the dance, I was teary-eyed. I don't know, my tears won't stop falling. What would you do if the one who means the most to you is the one who didn't show? I would cry. I was thinking I was gonna ruin the demonstration because I my face suck. It turned red and I can't explain it further. But I was wrong, the audience liked it. Well, I guess. They said ours was the best performance. I was flattered. Ok.

          We also had our Christmas Party, December 21, 2012. I don't believe about the end of the world  thingy, okay. Anyway, I told you about what happened about my heart. Lol kidding. If you ask me, the party was my most embarrassing day of my life. If you ask me why, it's because I was a representative to join the Miss 2 Saint Augustine Pageant. We had a production number, talent portion, final walks, interview, and question and answer. I wasn't even ready! I was shocked when I was the first runner-up. WHAT?! I promised to myself never to wear a dress again during Christmas parties. I guess, I can't do that. Lol.

          Yesterday, we had our community outreach program. It's like we conduct games and give food, etc to the adopted communities of the school. I don't know. I was really sad. And I think I narrated that one on my previous post. However, I felt fulfilled after the program thinking we helped children this Christmas season.

          After the program, Rona, Alyssa and I went to SM. We feel like hanging out. We ate Greenwich for lunch, brownies for snacks and Gelatissimo for dessert. I used the 1000 pesos my mom gave me. I was happy yesterday because I bought the Total Girl December Issue and the Red Album Limited Edition. I really do believe that in every happiness there is sadness because when I got home Alyssa let me checked someone's Tumblr. And there, I saw the things that broke the pieces of my heart into another small pieces. <///3

          Because of what happened, I plan to fix myself this Christmas vacation. To accomplish this, I am planning not to use my cellphone for communication. Meaning, I'll have no load the whole vacation. I also plan to read lots and lots of books. I plan to change myself, this includes my attitude, personality and looks.

          Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and I hope you are all excited. Not because of the gifts you are going to open, but because Jesus Christ was born, the one who saved our lives. Merry Christmas to all of you! Give love. ♥

Heartbroken.

          It's been almost a month since I posted about idk. And now, I am talking about another damn.

          You know what, I am so broken. Really broken. I always try my best to smile and laugh when I am with the people I am close with, friends. We are 7 billion and I keep one guy bothering me so much.

          I do not even know why, when or how did I like him or stuff. I feel so broken. I feel like breaking down. I am such a liar. I lied that I liked someone else. I am such a pretender. I pretended that I didn't and won't like him. I am an actress. I act like it doesn't bother me. I act like I am not hurt. Well, in fact it is the opposite. I am stupid. I am telling him "Don't give up on her" when I know that was the most stupid thing I had said to him; when I know those words would squeeze my heart into damn pieces. Ohmy. I'm such a fool. I assume he likes me, even if he doesn't. I trust too much and get hurt too much.

Do you feel me? No.

          I always wonder how on Earth am I surviving my life. It's my first time to feel this way. I tried to look best during our Christmas party just to make him notice me even just for seconds. I was disappointed when I knew that he exerted an effort during the party to be noticed by someone else. You know what? I tried my best. Excelled in class, participated in school activities. Became so jolly and noisy. I tried to be pretty and girly. But why can't you notice me? WHY?!

          During COP, someone told me you liked someone. I am such a pretender. I pretended that I wasn't hurt. I even asked that someone who's the "someone" and she told me. I was shocked. Really. So, I know her. Well, I think she is not bad enough. Though, I wished that girl was me. Impossible. If I am given a chance to hurt you, I wouldn't. I don't want to see someone hurt because of me. I'd rather see myself hurt because of someone.

          Dude, why? Why are you doing this to me? I thought you like me, but sadly, I was just assuming. I thought you admired me, but I was just dreaming. Why? Am I not good enough? Am I not? What's with her that you can't find in me? Is she that perfect? Am I not? Is she that pretty? Am I not? Is she that kind? Am I not?  Is she that smart? Am I not? Please don't be 'manhid.' Or if you are, please try to feel. Please try to consider my feelings.

          I changed a lot dude. I did if you only knew. But I guess, this Christmas vacation, I should and I must move on. I know you like her that bad. And I can't do anything about it. All I can do is accept it and move on. I also get tired. People do. I can't wait. I know if I will, I will be hurt not so soon. I hope that one day, I can say "I moved on, I am happy for you." But right now, I can't because seeing you still break my heart into pieces.